mind ful.

The days are getting started so early.
I can't help but think that theres a reason behind it.
Jonathan Safran Foer's:
Eating Animals &
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
have been two great books that i have enjoyed as of late.
Currently listening to:
JJ - no. 2
Damien Jurado - St. Bartlett
The National - High Violet
The Carpenters - Christmas

ANY IDEAS for Christmas Cheer?
get made
j

yeah, i want to dance. but not now.

I keep having this theme.
or a thought i spose.
oh heaven.

I just need to jump further from where i was.
"I will start again tomorrow" i'll say.
"oh it's nothing, really, it isn't" i'll declare.
but no.
I WILL NOT dance like this for you.
I won't do it any longer.
Oh the nerve of that guy!
yes the nerve.

I just want to say...
listen pal, if i don't owe you money.
well then... i really don't owe you shit.
but oh how terrible the sound of your own voice,
discussing with such anger in your tone.
i wish i could recreate it.

age 7:
oh perfect a playhouse,
a simple red popcicle.
oh thats kind of you joshua.

age 12:
"STOP! i dont need your help"
"I wish i could change that, but i can't"
simplicity with complex emotions, everyones fault but your own.
I can't expound.

age 18:
how sweet the taste of my first grapefruit alone,
condemned in a small 2 bedroom apartment,
clash posters on the wall.
Freedom without father.
Humor in the way the boy walked,
or the shoe color,
or the oil spill.
all too simple.

age 22:
what a day,
(VOMIT)
no, really, what a day
(I FEEL SO SICK)
next morning
Who is that? (internal)
Boy oh Boy have i pickled it this time (external)
no, no, not you...its me.

age 26:
take comfort in the fact that you have something to think.
your mind is your own.
Blame is so selfish now.
It should have always been,
but NOW!!! now, now it is.
and forever will be.

quite the breakdown here.
I have no reason to say this but for the mere fact that i must.
I MUST!

j