Off into the wake we go. No breathing.

It's a sunny day with cold clouds here.
I have been cleaning for what feels like a couple months,
but alas, tis only 34 minutes since i began.
Pizza remnants caked in and around the corners of these cookie sheets.
Could be a long one.
I have been trying to delve deeper into the past couple of days actions,
but something keeps stopping me.
I refuse to settle for "nothing".
So i will conquer and divide that which i have been given.
First.

To my son, (future)
I appreciate that you have taken steps to calm your mother and I. Not a day goes by that I don't hope for your success in the medical field. Your mind has become a weapon that should be used to defend truth and charity. You are truly a talent and master of your craft. I can only express in words (for my mouth won't mutter) how your success has affected both your mother and I. You can make it to the moon if you wish, and beyond if the wish grows fatter. I am yours and forever i will be.
your Father,
The DAD.

Second. (Past)

I can't believe this.
Can you believe this?
All they said was that there would be...
I don't..
I can't believe it, what a crock of..
Ok, Ok calm down (the wiser one is speaking)
We should probably get home, Lorie always says something to Mom, and i don't want...
SHHHHHH!!!
I think they can see us.
Get down!

(a squeak, a bottle breaks)

Who's in there?
(eyes of wonder)
Anyone in here?
(stomachs of pain)

(a squeak, talking, and giggling)

I knew this was a bad idea.
How did you convince me to come here?
My mom was right about you.


Third (What could have been)

My belief is a lie.
A story to buy.
On Monday he lives,
On Tuesday he dies.
My intent is to feel.
Regardless of past
Regardless of them.
Of those and of that.

I suppose I could
break down all thought i digest.
That seems dissapointing.
It's this i suggest.

Love the one you're with.
Break your own heart.
Not by love, denial, etc.
You're the one to cut, to tear apart.
It's only then that you can.
Give your complete self.
And she will love you.
She'll tell you you're it.
Without your heart her's won't exist.

And in that is your freedom.
In her is your heaven.
Her arms become angels.
Her kiss is treasure given.

-Gart the Bengal



As you can see it has gotten mighty confusing if you read
1-3 at the same time. Take it in sections.
It gets better.
London tomorrow.
Can't describe.
So I won't.

night to the moon.

Joshua

Piecing it ALL together.

Love:

a stylistic choice made of wonderment
and the color red.
A fading trend amongst teenagers and wizards.
A hearty drink used to cure diabetes.

Hate:

A farthing might do the trick, but you should plan for more.
Demons in the cupboard ward away all bad luck.
Fury in your fists tells what needs to be heard.
Supper will be served promptly at dawn.

Wisdom:

Start with the left one and move to the right.
With certain strength you would've never had a right.
Power and Prestige.
Tigers in the jungle.
Underneath the stairs, behind the door,
you'll find me.
oh me.
yes me.


this was your intent,
i am sure.

joshua

A constant moment of thought.

I am, I am, I am
written on April 25th, 2009
(a time of discomfort)

I am helpless (at best)
I am trite (and terrible)
I am confused (and miserable)
I am alone (and conflicted)
I am fake (but sincere)
I am a wreck (completely)
I am troubled (but only sometimes)
I've learned to block out (all I know)
I can be hateful (but with caution)
I can be helpful (with a reason)
I am envious (of happiness)
I am ashamed (but i've dealt with it)
I am a killer (every day)
I am faithless (depending)
I don't like discussion (except with sincerity)
I am colorful (with captions)
I am sexual (with remorse)
I am angry (alot)
i am suicidal (with thought)
i am ridiculous (most of the time)
I am in love (truth)
I hate my songs (truth)
I am lost (without her)
I see no point (to most)
I see good reason (to little)
I am sick of dealing with (?)
I am childish (in dream)
I am a cyclone (of thought)
I have been buried alive (many times)
I feel depressed (about most)
I feel blackened (from inside)
I feel dark (unless with her)
I feel sick (I sure am (I'm sure))
I miss home (with all of me)
I have grown fat (with sugar)
I long for change (always)
I am furious (at the situation)
I am hungry (right now)
I know my words are meaningless (x)
I don't care (sometimes)
I don't need (never)
I am extremely needy (usually)
I am drunk (but control it well)
I am a liar (infrequently)
I care (about my lovers)
I long for happiness (always)
I have learned to feel nothing (doesn't work)
I hate smoking (usually)
I don't know much about who I am (x)
I wish for joy (always)
I pray to GOD (when needed)
I wish to be caring (but alas...)
I hate those that hurt me (Hate)
I have learned to ignore (what?)
I am not alright (nor desire it)
I hate music (now)
I need medicine (but alas...)
I will become something (let's hope)
I am being punished (for all of it)
I dislike laziness (see many)
I will become my worst (xx)
I am deciding (about alot)
I sing (many songs)
I swim (in confusion)
I approach things the wrong way (x)
I will give up (soon)

-joshua fred james (you!!!!!)

Didn't He Ramble?

Fear not he who can destroy the body.
Fear him who can destroy both the soul and the body.